Lighting up

Today, Auntie is putting up her eco-friendly ‘Christmas' tree. It may seem a tad early but Auntie gets quite excited at this time of year, though not in any baby Jesus sense. Christmas trees, like the day itself, were hijacked by the early Christians-just because they couldn’t stand the thought of everyone having fun without them.

Winter solstice on the 21 December is far more important for Auntie, although, she doesn’t go in for any of that skyclad dancing round a holly bush malarkey. Knowing Spring is nearing never fails to lift her spirits and not least because it means an end to puffing on fags in the dark outside the local.

This winter solstice, Auntie is attending Philosophy Football’s ‘Clash Culture Christmas Party.’ Perhaps she'll see you there?

Now, Auntie really must get back to tree decorating. The final touch, a star on top to celebrate the returning sun.

Abstract dalliances and facebook wonders

Despite Auntie’s natural authoritarian streak, one thing guaranteed to bring out her libertarian tendency is censorship. Though too world-weary for youthful outrage she’s dismayed to hear her beloved niece Red Pepper has been unceremoniously evicted from Facebook, without a word as to why. Auntie suspects Red’s flighty ways and friendly disposition may have been her undoing.

Red may have encountered what is known in the Auntie trade as a ‘humourless tosser’ (HT). Auntie’s met enough of them on her travels around the left to long cool her revolutionary ardor, but Red will always hold an open optimism about the human condition.

Auntie’s feminist intuition tells her this particular HT may have complained to the faceless facebook management on discovering Red’s ‘open relationship’ status accompanied with a warm invite to be her friend didn’t mean his humourless tossing days were over.

Discovering the niece not only experiments with gender but blurs the lines between inanimate object and ‘being’ may have been a brain-twisting step too far. After all socialism hath no fury like a humourless tosser scorned.

This has left Auntie pondering gender fluidity on the net, having ventured in to the darker hinterland of net culture (for research purposes, you understand) she knows you can never tell with whom you are virtually chatting. So lighten-up humourless tossers everywhere you have nothing to lose but your pomposity.

With Red’s banishment Auntie has reluctantly taken over the facebook reins, but as Auntie is politically committed to avoiding negative people it’s unlikely she will follow in Red’s footsteps in befriending any old lefty.

If you think you meet Auntie’s high standards send your ‘Friend Request’ to ‘Agony Subcomandauntie’ at www.facebook.com

Auntie spins her web

Against Auntie’s better judgement, Cousin Wainwright and Young Reyes have persuaded me to share my wisdom among the blogging community. Their powers of persuasion were aided by the fact that my (now strangely smokeless) corner in the Old Dog and Duckett allows me access to the neighbour’s wireless connection. Don’t go telling the neighbour, who’s a tight Tory toff who thinks he’s got the right to tell us to keep the noise down even though the OD&D was here a couple of hundred years before him.

Auntie has been putting her columns in order before hitting the web, and what a lot of wisdom she’s dispensed over the years. Everything from the politically-correct trainers to wear while out clubbing to what to do about the smoking ban.

Talking of which, it’s been suggested that Auntie’s trademark spliff has shrunk since her image got a makeover as part of the Red Pepper redesign.

The truth is that while age has not withered her (nor custom staled her infinite variety – thank you, Bill), it has got Auntie’s old lungs croaking a bit. So it’s a tad less tobacco and a lot more THC between the Rizlas these days. This also makes it easier to sneak the odd drag here and there in the OD&D without Brenda the Barperson having to chuck a stool at me.

But enough of smoky hot air. Auntie hereby declares this blog open for business. I will be available for dispensing advice on the usual terms at unpredictable hours, according to other commitments and demands on my time. Feel free to email me at the usual address, Subcomandauntie[@]gmail.com, or to leave a message below. Private consultations by arrangement.